22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
如果4/5的人认为腹泻十分痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？？！！！很享受哈？？！！

23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。/所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧告诉你这终还是男女有别~

24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
帝哥瞅着咱们呢。。我说大伙好歹喜感点吧！

25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
无论。任何情况。永远。不要在一个夜晚。同时吃。安眠药。和。通便灵。

26、I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端！！！！！！不是为了成为一个食素者滴！！！

27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…

28、If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
行。我听你的。咱俩就都2B了。

29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃了。

30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！/下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，打魂斗罗我能把机箱踹得七零八散！

31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
瞅见个姐姐，衣服胸前写着“Guess”…俺就问了一句：“…隆过？”

32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子定义：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。

33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
有些人相信天上星，数不清，却偏不信“油漆未干”。

34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
越解释越SB，不说话最NB。/ 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。/ 剽悍的人生不需要解释

35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
银行就喜欢在你拍胸脯说不缺钱的时候死皮赖脸的求您跟他借

36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。

37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！（我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫）
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38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？（自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”）

39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····（想立牌坊就得会装）

40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
临危忽然微笑的那个逼，定是找到替罪羊鸟~

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